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Joke of the Day

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by crypto mach (100%) * 2 months ago * Report
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One day little Johnny was sitting in math class and his teacher was asking the class word problems when she got to Little Johnny and said "If there are three birds sitting on a power line and you grab your shot gun and shoot two of them, how many are left?"

"None" Johnny replied.

The teacher said "Actually, one would be left, 3 - 2 = 1"

Little Johnny said "No, if your using a shot gun to shoot at birds then the other one is going to fly off from the sound"

The teacher says "well no the answer is still one, but I like the way you think"

Johnny starts to think to him self "Hmmm you like the way I think huh" and he says to the teacher "Three women are sitting on a park bench and they all have lolly pops. One of them is sucking on it, one is licking it, and the other is biting it. Which one is married?"

The teacher says "The one sucking it of course"

And Johnny replies "No, the one wearing the wedding ring... but I like the way you think"
Upvote (5) * Has currently been selected as best answer by crypto mach * 2 months ago * 2 comments * Report * This response won




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Thank you very much!!!
* 1 months ago * Report

crypto mach
BitCash Bull

haha the lollipop joke is my favourite so far
* 2 months ago * Report

Red Fastest
Tester Extraordinaire

I'll keep it clean (pun intended).

A man is washing the car with his son.
The son says, "Dad, can't we just use a sponge?"
Upvote (2) * 2 months ago * 1 comment * Report




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crypto mach
BitCash Bull

hahahaha had to read it twice to get it...
* 2 months ago * Report


“What do you call an alsatian in a grey jumper? A plain-clothes police dog
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A preacher was told by his doctor that he had only a few weeks left to live.
He went home feeling very sad, and when his wife heard the sad news she said to him, "Honey, if there's anything I can do to make you happy, tell me."

The preacher answered, "You know, dear, there's that box in the kitchen cabinet with what you always called "your little secret" in it and you said you never would want me to open it as long as you lived. Now that I'm about to go home to be with the Lord, why don't you show me what's in that secret box of yours?"

The preacher's wife got out the box and opened the lid. It contained $100,000 and three eggs.

"What are those eggs doing in the box?" the preacher asked.

"Well, Honey," she replied, "every time your sermon was really bad I put an egg in the box."

Now the preacher had been preaching for over forty years, and seeing only three eggs in that old shoe box, he started to feel very proud about himself and it warmed his soul.

"And what about that $100.000?"" he asked.

"Oh, you see," she whispered softly, "every time there were a dozen eggs in the box, I ..sold them.
Upvote (0) * 1 months ago * 0 comments * Report




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Let me tell you about this crazy dream I had last night......

I was dreaming that I was a muffler.....

When I woke up I was exhausted!
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crypto mach
BitCash Bull

HAHAHA
* 1 months ago * Report


Craig Wright is Satoshi Nakomoto
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why is the watermelon single?

answer: because it can't elope. (cantaloupe)
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crypto mach
BitCash Bull

i like how you had to explain the joke at the end haha
* 1 months ago * Report


A classic Tommy Cooper gag: "I said to the gym teacher: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: 'I can't make Tuesdays.'"



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Mom, what is the name of this station, from which we just drove off?
- I do not know, do not interfere, you see, I read.
- What a pity you don't know. And our little Irzhichek got off the train there.
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Mom, what is the name of this station, from which we just drove off?
- I do not know, do not interfere, you see, I read.
- What a pity you don't know. And our little Irzhichek got off the train there.
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Всю ночь он пил с русскими. Всю ночь они шутили о России и громко смеялись. Всю ночь они убеждали меня, что Россия - страна плохих дорог и дураков. Утром, когда я согласился с их мнением, они наполнили мое лицо.



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- Who are you most bothered by the world?
- ABOUT! I fear my wife.
“But let me ask you what did you do to be afraid of her?”
“She's a woman, she doesn't need a reason.”
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RickillerZ .
Networking Security Specialist

A policeman stops a motorist... didn't you see that the light was red?
Yes, I saw it, I didn't see you!



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RickillerZ .
Networking Security Specialist

Joke of the Day : old joke :P
A policeman stops a motorist... didn't you see that the light was red?
Yes, I saw it, I didn't see you!
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Merit Worldwide - GBS
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crypto mach
BitCash Bull

hahahahaha
* 1 months ago * Report

Ross Goldberg
DevOps Manager

A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
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i would have been your daddy, but a dog beat me over the fence.
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crypto mach
BitCash Bull

haha oooooooooo i see how it is...
* 2 months ago * Report


A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
Upvote (0) * 2 months ago * 1 comment * Report




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crypto mach
BitCash Bull

hahahaha i think this is my new fav
* 2 months ago * Report

Todd Vance
Sr. Dev/YouTube Nerd

Don't really have a joke... Im personally going through a hard time. My dad died basically because we couldn't remember his BLOOD TYPE!!! He kept trying to tell us to "be positive", but it's just so hard without him... :(
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Todd Vance
Sr. Dev/YouTube Nerd

DOH!!!
* 1 months ago * Report

crypto mach
BitCash Bull

ahahahahahahahaha man, so close to a lol
* 2 months ago * Report


i hope i win also
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Christy D
@Chrizty916

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him 'Juan'. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
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crypto mach
BitCash Bull

hahahaha heard that one before...still a goodie
* 2 months ago * Report


hehe :)



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crypto mach
BitCash Bull

hahahaha i like
* 2 months ago * Report


one more!!



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Australians don't have sex, Australians mate! :)
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crypto mach
BitCash Bull

hahaha that's the best dad joke i've heard in a while
* 2 months ago * Report